Sunday, December 12, 2010

How to Give Your Human a Heart Attack (a message from Brewster)

This is a really great joke to play on your human, but it takes a bit of preparation. First, train your human to expect you to jump on her every time she walks in the door. Do this for almost a full year. Make sure she is totally taking for granted that she will be greeted with exuberant puppy bouncing every single time she comes in after being gone for more than 2 minutes.

Then, when she's completely used to the happy-joy-bouncing-puppy dance, stop. Just don't come to the door. When she calls, make no noise. Don't even jingle your tags. She will leave the garage door wide open, toss her Arby's onto the kitchen floor, and go running through the house to find you. Visions of terrible tragedies will run through her head, the foremost of which will be that the cat, who is "plump," finally got tired of the barking and decided to sit on you.

When she gets to the living room and finds you sitting on the couch in your usual spot, use your expressive eyes to say, "What? You think you're so great that I'm going to do the happy-joy-bouncing-puppy dance every single time I see you? I mean you're nice and all, but you're not all that. Get over yourself."

Try to hide the giggles behind your paw. Bonus points if you can get to the Arby's before she's recovered enough to pick it up.

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