Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Recipe for a Bad Day

1. Before running errands, let dog out to pee. Don't pay attention to what he's doing, let him in, leave.

2. Go to copy shop to ship art back to client and fax invoice. Realize that you only have the client's old address and can't ship art. Let the wind catch the invoice and blow it under the car into someone's dumped . . . something. We're going with the assumption that it was food.

3. Crawl under car, retrieve invoice (at least being stuck in the brown muck prevented it from being blown away), clean it up, take it in.

4. Deal with snotty copy shop guy when fax won't go through because client changed fax number without bothering to alert anyone.

5. Call client, maintain a pleasant phone voice, get correct fax number, give to snotty copy shop guy who deserves a pop in the nose because he is just that snotty. Go home.

6. Discover that when you let the dog out to pee before you left, he rolled in something evil. I mean this smell is morally reprehensible.  This smell indicates that you need to go search the yard for the dead squirrel or bird that must be out there somewhere.

7. Realize that dog has been unsupervised in the house for the last half hour and has almost certainly been sitting on some piece of furniture, transferring his very special scent. Decide that you just can't face sniffing the furniture right now, and will let it be a surprise. (Pray that it isn't the bed.)

8. Plop the dog into the tub. Lather, rinse, repeat FIVE TIMES. Do not completely eliminate smell. Determine that mere Pet Smart brand shampoo is powerless against this scent and that you have tortured shivering dog enough, take him out of the tub.

9. Realize that you have neglected the absolutely vital step of getting an old towel out of the closet before putting the dog in the tub. Chase dog around the house and catch him seconds before he starts drying himself on the heirloom afghan crocheted by your great aunt who died when you were three years old.

10. Accept this tiny victory. Decide the universe can kiss your ass and spend the rest of the afternoon knitting a sock.

ETA: Prescription HyLyt vet shampoo with a subtle coconut scent seems to have conquered almost all of the funk.  Will sniff again tomorrow.

1 comment:

  1. You go Noelle... knitting a sock is always the victory dance...